This is the part where I ask my parents to please close the browser window, wander away from the computer, and momentarily forget that their youngest has a blog at all. All clear? Good. Let’s talk about sex, baby.
Sex scenes are tricky business. All it takes is one too many embarrassing uses of the cringe-worthy term “nub” and I’m out… but a carefully crafted, evocatively written bone sesh will get bookmarked and reread. And reread, and reread. Hell, there are some books that I recommend almost exclusively for the sex!
(note: no, I have not read 50 Shades Of Grey, but I have read some excerpts from it, and they are super embarrassing to me. The main character makes near-constant references to her “inner goddess” during sex, and this fancy rich sadist she’s involved with frequently refers to how his mother was a “crackwhore”…. and although it’s appropriately graphic, it’s not very titillating. I kind of want to pull this army of formerly repressed housewives aside and say “I’m glad you’re so into this, but it gets better.”)
(note the second: these recs are not all tasteful, subtle literary erotica or however you’d like to refer to it– most of these are downright smutty and graphic. And awesome.)
1. Atonement by Ian McEwan. I’m a little conflicted about this one, because the story is also devastatingly tragic and dark, but there is some hot shit. If you are okay with 80% of the story being a total (beautifully written) bonerkiller, then it’s worth it for shit like:
“The crucial lines now read: ‘You’d be forgiven for thinking me mad– wandering into your house barefoot, or snapping your antique vase. The truth is, I feel rather light-headed and foolish in your presence, Cee, and I don’t think I can blame the heat! Will you forgive me? Robbie.’ Then, after a few moments’ reverie, tilted back on his chair, during which time he thought about the page at which his Anatomy tended to fall open these days, he dropped forwards and typed before he could stop himself, ‘In my dreams I kiss your cunt, your sweet, wet cunt. In my thoughts I make love to you all day long.’”
2. Little Birds by Anais Nin. This is some old school filthy smut. There are actual, interesting stories, but the stories exist for the sex, really. The characters in a twelve page story are better developed than the protagonists of many full-length novels… and there’s copious use of texture and taste (a lot of fur, a lot of salt).
“Her skin was dry like some desert sand. When we first lay in bed it was cool, and then it would become warm and feverish. Her eyes– it is impossible to describe her eyes except by saying that they were the eyes of an orgasm. What constantly happened in her eyes was something so feverish, so incendiary, so intense that at times when I looked straight at her and felt my penis rising and palpitating, I also felt as if something were palpitating in her eyes. With her eyes alone she could give this response, this absolutely erotic response, as if febrile waves were trembling there, pools of madness… something devouring that could lick a man all over like a flame, annihilate him, with a pleasure never known before.”
3. Beauty’s Punishment (the Beauty Chronicles in general) by Anne Rice (writing as A N Roquelaure). If I believed in the concept of “guilty” pleasures (which I don’t, so FUCK IT, right guys?) this would undoubtedly be high on the list. Not that it’s poorly written or anything, it’s just pretty damn depraved. It’s a lot of BDSM and degradation, and it’s way far over the line of “racy,” and I read them a lot younger than one would probably recommend (thanks, Toronto Public Library! *note: I considered making a “Toronto Pubic Library” joke here, but I really loathe the word pubic. It puts me in mind of lice.) Highly recommended if you’re a pervert. Here’re some excerpts if you want to testdrive it.
“Mistress Lockley’s face lit up with the most curious expression. A half-repressed laugh escaped her lips. “I’ll see you in the morning, my dear, with all the others. When the Captain’s gone, and the Inn’s nice and quiet, and there’s no one here but the other slaves waiting in line as well for their morning whipping. I’ll teach you to open that mouth without permission.” But this was said with unusual warmth, and the color was high in Mistress Lockley’s cheeks. She was so very pretty. “Now trot,” she said softly.” (took me awhile to find a quote that wasn’t so explicit as to alienate y’all. It gets fiiiiiilthy.)
So give me your recommendations, friendos. Do any of you dig these titles as much as I do?